Do Overs

Moving day.  It’s been 7 & 1/2 months since liquidating my previous home and timeline.  Timeline.  That was the crux of it.

I loved my home.  Asked several times during my 5 & 1/2+ years there, if the homeowners would be willing to sell.  Nope.  Then they took out three trees that protected us from the corner we lived on.  And, a smart meter went in that we could hear through the wall…not to mention all the icky stuff those emit.

I loved the location, I loved my neighbors, I loved my furnishings.  Still, I came to realize that I’d been living on a synthetic timeline and I determined to rejoin with my organic timeline.

Giving everything away was an unexpectedly amazing experience.  I could have sold everything and made a nice sum to go forward with…but that was the thing.  I didn’t want to take much of anything forward.  Energetically, everything from the synthetic had to be released.  And, I loved my things.  My totally awesome sofa was loved by family and friends.  So many great memories of cozy days reading with my son, watching movies (Harry Potter, especially), Olympics, and lacrosse games…and, oh, those naps!

A sweetheart neighbor came to take pictures and pop everything up on her church support bulletin board.  One by one, then two or more together, they came…mostly young families.  Sofa, big chair, and media armoire went to a family whose sofa had just broken…with two teenage boys, small wonder ;-).  My dining and bedroom sets went to a family with small children, who’d been eating in the living room and had clothes stacked on the floor in the bedroom.  My washer/dryer went to a family whose washer had just broken, and my monster fridge to a family of 7 who was so happy to have it.  A friend who’d come to help load up spied my china hutch and surprised his wife with it (hope that worked out ;-)!)  And, finally, a family who’d just moved into a new place with an unfinished back yard took my patio set.  All with smiles and hugs and heartfelt thanks for being an answer to their prayers.  Good folks in the g.o.d. program to whom I silently sent a wake-up call.

My beloved items, after saying my prayer (composed years ago after my first closet purge):

Thank you for your service
May you go in peace
May you bless another
With love and gratitude (xo – yep, I kiss and hug ’em)

…went to families who might love them, too.  It felt circular and complete.  I’ve had barely a thought about that house and that life.

And, where did I land?

While sofa surfing at my dear mother’s, came the loss of her longtime next door neighbor, her duplex mate.  And the pull began.  I hadn’t felt ready for a new home, just yet.  Am still not entirely sure I do now, but the pull began soon after the loss.  I resisted.  Of course.  I hadn’t achieved my aims when I set out on this journey…and, still, the pull grew stronger.

Now, here’s my major hiccup — trust.  Another post on that word, but for this moment, I’m relating it to that familiar sense of trust many of us have gained in following intution for so long.  Except, my sense was shattered.  The feeling was familiar, but was it another siren’s call?  Friggin’ discernment.  Argh.  How to tell?  Would I allow myself to easily veer from the path I’d set out…not egoically, but heartfeltly?  And, were the two really mutually exclusive?  So tired of this game, I wrestled with it for a good month before taking the leap.  Not of faith, mind you.  The leap from one timeline to another.  Not all have such sizeable gaps, but this felt like it.

It was the pull.  It was me calling to me.  Everytime I felt into the move, it felt healthy, expansive (even though the place is half the size of my last house), and get this…it is attached to the place I was 20 years ago, before going to make a home and family with my former beloved/my son’s father.  This is a total DO OVER!  I’m picking up where I veered off.  Crazy.  And I’m so excited.

We are doing it, my friends.  We are pulling this circus back around.  I’m looking forward to getting settled and onward in increasing cohesion.  Thinking I’ll hold an ‘open house’ on Skype or Zoom or something, and have you all drop in, if you’d like.

Meanwhile, check out some breathing exercises on youtube.  It’s been coming up a lot lately…we need to breathe!  And in the breath is life and buoyancy.

My heart’s thanks to you all for joining me on this wild ride!!! Mega loves :-)

If you’re experiencing do overs, do tell!

 

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© 2015, Elz. All rights reserved.

11 Comments

  1. What a lovely way you tell your story Elz – with such sincerity and honesty. Your way of writing keeps the reader engaged – believe me, my mind wanders so easily as I read, but some authors get me engaged, and you did, and you do!! All ways.

    I am sure we will hear more stories as the journey continues. Thanks so very much for sharing.. <3

  2. You are an inspiration Elz, I love how you purged all that stuff and most of it went to good homes. I’m packing for my move and feel the desire to purge lots of stuff too. Downsizing and getting rid of “stuff” just feels so good right now. It’s not as easy for my STBX though, she’s agonizing over every decision and is realizing just how much stuff she’s been holding onto. She’s overwhelmed as we pack our separate boxes to finally split up. She’s not nearly as excited as I am and is a lot more resistant to the changes. But the universe seems to be collapsing in, the compression, to get us to wake up and go with the flow.

    Can’t wait to see your new place, via Skype or in person! Soon!

    1. “…resistant to the changes…” so captures how much of our experience ?! And, how it feels to let go. Awesome, Jeff, how you’re witnessing the contrast between your and your STBX’s state of awareness. Your penultimate sentence says it all, and nicely done at that! Sending kindest wishes for your move :-). Looking forward to seeing you soon and another EU meetup!

  3. Do over or here we go again? I mentioned in my last comment a few posts ago, we were putting an offer in on a 2nd home, (that may turn into a 1st). Looking for days on end, that’s what it seemed like anyway, and then we found the one. Then questioning the one, then stressing about the one, then making the offer on the one. Well the one had not been taken care of in a few major ways so we offered accordingly. After papers were signed is when I knew our offer was going to be rejected and a deal would not be made. Sad, yes! Relieved, on some level, yes! But also the feeling that I’ve been here before, to many times to count. I’m not sure where I’m going with this, maybe it’s just that I need to dig deeper, to consider all avenues at a depth I’ve never done before, before putting myself through that situation again. Big shrug and sigh!

    What I’m taking away from this post is the experience should be easy, virtually seamless as you flow into the next step of life with the grace of a dancer. I don’t know if it will be with grace or the attempts of a three year old in her first dance class but I’m now choosing to leave behind the old program of difficulty and stress as I move forward to my next adventure!

    Thank you Elz for your wonderful words! And I’m so excited for you and so honored to be on this wild ride with you! :)

    1. Oh man! Popping up for me is 1) do over vs here we go again; 2) major repairs; 3) grace. The “here we go again” feeling is just *exactly* as you say…it feels *exactly* the same as before. A total repeat. The “do over” is a return to a place of choice…like a fork in the road where once you took one fork and now you have another crack at taking the other fork. Are major repairs something you enjoy tackling? Or is there a heaviness related?

      You are so so so on track with Grace. Think of her as an energy being you’re inviting along. Call her into action in your decision making. Feel her presence. I can’t say my decisions leading to this Do Over were easy…there was so much opportunity to look at the energy beings of my fears, the sinking gut when faced with the expense I didn’t feel quite ready for; the caught breath in my chest just contemplating all that I felt I hadn’t completed before making a move…but, but, but, Grace eased my way. Truly, truly. She is a marvelous dance teacher…highly recommended ;-)!

      Eager to see the home that arrives for you <3

      Love that you're here, Liz...thank you enormously for sharing your journey, too!!!

      1. Thank you! And exactly! “Do over” sounds great, because I don’t want the feeling of “here we go again” anymore unless it’s something I want to do again! :D Major repairs don’t scare me unless it’s foundational. Not going there! The repairs for the one were so doable. But I’m just not going to pay for someone’s else’s neglect. The property has been for sale for three years, she may still be there when the time is right. Or the true one will appear.

        Yes, grace as a being, a state, a friend that joins me on my journey to ease those oh so human moments of decision making and discernment! Love that!

        You have such great thought and word use. Thank you for sharing, it helps me in so many ways! :)

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